Jun 19, 2007 0
And the groove was on…
Once there was only chaos and void. The Drums ruled the land, and only voices floated above the void.
On the first day, god thus spoke :”Let there be strings, so that man can go about and hunt the animals of the earth, the fish of the sea and the birds in the sky” And man took the string and made a bow, so he could hunt the animals of the earth, the fish of the sea and the birds in the sky. God heard the plucking of the bows, and saw that it was good. There was a night, there was a morning, hence was the first day.
One the second day, god thus spoke: “Let there be chambers, so the sound of the strings can resonate across the plain and cover the sound of the voices.” And man took the bow and attached a drum to it, so the sound the the string resonated across the plain and covered the sound of the voices. God heard the strings echoing across the plain, and saw that it was good. There was a night, there was a morning, hence was the second day.
On the third day, seeing that man was too good, god thus spoke: “Let there be frets, because although they lead to evil-doing, they will keep the tones right.” And man took strings, and tied them around the wood of the bow, and made frets, and the tones were rightened. God heard the music, and saw that it was good. There was a night, there was a morning, it was the third day…
On the fourth day, god thus spoke: “Let there be two kinds : let the airheads have the highs to shred and wank upon, and let the groove master, the funk-a-holic, the rhythm disciple have the low-end, let them have the groove.” And so it was. The groove masters, funk-a-holics, and rhythm disciples took the low end and made it theirs. They took the groove and kept it. And god heard the groove, and danced with it, and saw that it was good. There was a night, there was a morning, and hence was the fourth day.
On the fifth day god thus spoke: “Let there be electricity, so that the groove can be louder, so that the funk can be wider, so that the rhythm can spread to the land and make the people dance.” So man made pickups, he made tubes, he made amps, he made cabs, he made pre-amps and pedals, subwoofers and crossovers, so that the groove was louder, so that the funk was wider, so that the rhythm spread to the land and made the people dance. God saw the people dance, and saw that it was good. There was a night, there was a morning, hence was the fifth day.
On the sixth day, god thus spoke: “Let all the guitards of the land gather, let all the drummers of the land gather, let all the groove masters gather, let all the brewers brew their beer for tonight, we’re gonna rock you tonight!”. God enjoyed the show, got drunk, so that when morning came, he was passed out and didn’t notice.
On the seventh day, god did not speak, since he had a headache and his voice was gone since he shouted too much the previous night…
Thus the bass was created, and thus the bass shall be.
